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Being in a relationship that is safe and mutually respectful is a normal human desire and we all deserve to have those qualities in our relationships. However, all too often we blame ourselves for relationship problems, rather than simply acknowledging it is toxic or dysfunctional and whether it is salvageable.

Here are 18 tips for healing anxiety caused by toxic relationships:

Tip 1: Don’t Focus On Whether Or Not Someone Likes You

Instead of being concerned about whether someone likes you and focusing on how your heart pounds and if you feel butterflies when you're around them, wonder instead whether you get excited because your chemistry is reacting to meeting another dysfunctional person. Ask yourself instead, does this person have most, if not all, of the qualities you want in a relationship?

Tip 2: Be Your Own Best Friend

One reason why people stay in unhealthy relationships is the fear of being alone. One reason for this is because you haven’t developed a best-friend relationship with yourself. Try to reach a place where you actually enjoy your own company. And if that doesn’t help, know that being alone is healthier and preferable to being in an unhealthy relationship filled with hostile drama.

Tip 3: Stop Expecting Someone Else To Fix Your Problems

You are responsible for whatever needs fixing in your life, your financial debts, your career, taking care of your body and so forth, not your partner, your best friend or your parents. You will feel much better about yourself and your new confidence will be very attractive.

Tip 4: Know Your Boundaries And Stick To Them

We are constantly sending out hints to other people about how we want to be treated. These are called “boundaries,” meaning your deal breakers for what you will and won’t accept. How much importance you attach to honesty, respect, and reliability are just as important as personal space, time alone, or how much physical affection or romance you require. When you uphold your boundaries, you don’t allow others to manipulate, guilt, or control you, and your inner self will thank you.

Tip 5: Fill Your Life With Positive People

Make a point to initiate a friendship with someone who is consciously improving his or her life. Hang out with people who are accomplishing their dreams, and they’ll take you along for the ride. Worried they won’t want you around? Think again: successful people love to teach and mentor others, provided that you’re kind and appreciative toward them in return. Having this person in your life as a point of reference will highlight areas you need to work on in all of your current relationships.

Tip 6: Make A Wish List Of Your Favorite Personality Traits

Listing desirable traits is helpful in directing your focus when you meet new people, and you’re less likely to get pulled back into old relationship habits. What are the top 5 traits you would like to see in your relationships? These could include honesty, being a good listener, loyalty, being kind to animals, or being appreciative. By identifying your own priorities, you will be better able to see which areas you need to work on specifically in all of your older relationships.

Tip 7: Be A Good Friend To Keep A Good Friend

Surveys show that close friendships are more equated with life happiness than marriage, so these relationships are very important to our well-being. Basic characteristics of a good friend include:

Trustworthiness - keep your promises and have integrity.
Protectiveness - defend your friends if you hear gossip about them, and help them when they need it.
Confidentiality - never gossip about your friends or reveal their secrets to others.
Non-competition - striving to be “better” than your friend puts strain on the relationship.
Mutuality - conversations give both people time and attention to share. Friends listen to each other. 
Availability - we’re all busy, but good friends make time for each other.

The most successful friendships, in fact relationships of any kind, will incorporate all of these characteristics. You may need to pull away (temporarily or permanently) from people who do not honor these basic tenets of a strong friendship.

Tip 8: Trust Your Inner Warning Signals

Your body is innately sensitive to other people’s energies and intentions. Check your own inner warning signals, which will alert you that you’re with a toxic or drama-addicted person. Some warning signals you may be getting are:

-    You feel used, because it’s a one-sided relationship, with you doing all the giving
-    You feel guilty, like you owe the person something
-    You feel angry at him or her and at yourself
-    After the person leaves, you feel drained and tired
-    You have a desire to avoid the person.

Trust your intuition here. These feelings won’t be present in a healthy relationship.

Tip 9: Write A Letter To The Person You’re Upset With

Even healthy relationships can hit a rocky patch from time to time. At times like these, it often helps to write a letter to the person you’re upset with. Pour out your feelings, and hold nothing back. Then, in a ceremonious way, burn the letter. You can also send a more restrained version of the letter to the person, after waiting a day or two for a cooling-off period. This way, your letter will reflect your ongoing feelings instead of reactive emotions. It can be the starting point for a mutually beneficial conversation that will get you back on track.

Tip 10: Stop Constant Interrupters In Their Tracks

If someone is constantly interrupting you when you are speaking, stop them early on with a firm “Excuse me, I wasn’t finished talking” If you touch the person’s arm at the same time, the impact is even stronger.

If the interruption is also a correction you can say “Sometimes I feel that you are more my teacher than my friend. I’d prefer to have conversations where it’s just us sharing our feelings.” If their style annoys you, it annoys everyone else too so you are doing them a favor.

Tip 11: Just Say No To Guilt Based Requests

If you feel you are being manipulated and have no choice to comply, stand firm. They might cry, threaten to hurt themselves, say that no one loves them, or remind you of the times that they helped you. But by telling guilt-trippers no without guilt or excuses, they will either find another victim to harass or will realize that these methods aren’t healthy or effective.

Tip 12: Don’t Walk On Eggshells Around Angry People

If someone displays their anger in a physical way, LEAVE IMMEDIATELY. However, if it is someone who just gets mad at the slightest provocation but rarely takes responsibility themselves, then release the fantasy that you will find the winning combination that will finally make them happy and peaceful. They most likely will need professional therapy. Tip-toeing around until they calm down doesn’t help anyone.

Tip 13: Give Unreliable People Clear Instructions

The next time an unreliable person makes an appointment with you, explain that your time is valuable and if he or she is not there within 15 minutes of the meeting time, you will need to leave. Back this up with actually leaving so that when they invariably turn up late they will get the message. 

Tip 14: Stand Your Ground

Accusatory people are always looking for a fight, tell them firmly that they are mistaken in their accusations but do not engage in an argument or wander off-topic. Do not engage in blaming wars or you will get into an unending battle.  

Tip 15:  Stop Trying To Rescue Victim-Martyr Types

Since whatever advice you suggest will most likely be met with “I’ve already tried that, it doesn’t work.” It is best not to invest a lot of time into trying to provide a solution to their problem. Once victim-martyrs sense that you are out of ideas to help, they will move on to bending someone else’s ear about their current problem. 

Tip 16: Be Honest About Hurtful Words

When someone says something hurtful it is important that you let them know it. You can say “I don’t believe you meant to hurt me with the words you chose to use, but that’s what happened.” Or, as soon as the person says something hurtful, issue an immediate, honest reaction such as, “Ouch! That hurt!” The person may explain that he or she meant something entirely different than what you heard, but they will also most likely be more tactful in future.

Tip 17: Keep Your Adult Identity During Family Visits

If you feel like your family relationships are recurring nightmares, it’s likely because you’re fighting with fragments of the past. The arguments are on automatic pilot, and no one is really present or conscious at the moment. Remember, the point isn’t to change the other person, or get him or her to apologize. The point is to help you deal with family dynamics in healthy ways. We can’t control other people’s reactions, only our reaction to them.

Be sure to carry an object that reminds you of your current life and helps you feel empowered and proud of your accomplishments. It can be something related to your profession or a hobby. This will help prevent you from reverting to your 12 year old self during the first signs of arguments with family.

You have many choices for dealing with hurt feelings, including detaching, and telling yourself, Well, it’s just their issues; or having compassion for them because they probably don’t want the conflict any more than you do.

Tip 18: Remove Yourself From A Relationship When You Notice A Red Flag

Take your time to get to know someone before you fully commit to a relationship. At the first red-flag, such as not honoring a commitment, or showing a lack of respect; extricate yourself from the relationship immediately before getting any more involved.

As a compassionate, openhearted soul, you want to give. It’s in your nature to care for others and ensure their health and happiness. Occasionally others may take advantage of your kindness which is why it is so important to enforce your boundaries in all of your relationships.

It may feel uncomfortable for you to put these rules into effect, it might feel like you are placing conditions on how you will help people, but if you refuse to do so, you’ll deplete your own energy reserves very quickly. It all boils down to respect. If the people in your life truly care about you, they’ll respect your decisions

by Doreen  Virtue

What your sleeping style says about your relationship

Are you and your partner in sync? Just look at the way you sleep.......How do you tend to lie when you fall asleep?
Tonight, pay attention to the position you naturally adopt as you drift off - and take a look at your partner, too. According to a new study, your sleeping positions offer insights into your true personalities.

Professor Chris Idzikowski, director of the Sleep Assessment and Advisory Service at the Edinburgh Sleep Centre, analysed six common sleeping positions and found that each is linked to a particular personality type.

Of course, we don't stay in one sleeping position all night. We move around two to four times an hour while we sleep. However, the researchers found that people generally spent the most time in the position they fell asleep in.
So the position that matters (your "preferred sleep position") is the one that you adopt spontaneously for comfort when falling asleep.

It seems that even when you're unconscious, your body language is busy sending out signals that may surprise you.
"The profile behind the posture is often very different from what we would expect," said Professor Idzikowski.

1. The Foetus (preferred sleeping position for 41% of the 1,000 people surveyed)
This is the characteristic womb position, where you lie curled on your side with your knees bent. Sleep researchers reckon that more than twice as many women as men tend to adopt this position, and it is thought to be the optimal posture for a good night's sleep.

But what about those personality traits? Foetal sleepers tended to be tough on the outside but sensitive at heart. In dating, they're likely to be far more shy than their confident exterior suggests (sound familiar?), but they soon relax when they're in a relationship.

2. The Log (15%)
These are the sleepers who lie on their side without curling up into the fetal position. Personality links between this sleeping position, tend to be of an easy-going, sociable nature. Log sleepers enjoy being part of the in-crowd, and they mingle easily with new people.

They can make great partners because they don't bottle up their feelings and they get on well with your family and friends. However, their ability to socialise with anyone and everyone could leave you feeling a bit insecure at times.

3. The Yearner (13%)
Sleepers who lie on their side with their arms out in front are apparently most likely to have thoughtful, committed personalities. Yearners may seem noncommittal at first, which can make them infuriating to date.

But they're not sending mixed signals - they're simply wary of rushing into anything. They make excellent long-term partners, because once they've made a commitment they stick to it. It just takes them a while to get there!

4. The Soldier (8%)
Lying on your back with your arms by your side is a far less common sleeping position than you might expect. Good thing too."Those who lie on their back may end up snoring and breathing less well during the night," he said.

"It may not necessarily awaken the sleeper, but could cause a less refreshing night's sleep." And if it doesn't wake up the sleeper, it may well wake up whoever has to sleep next to them. When they're awake, however, people who sleep on their backs tend to be quiet and reserved, according to the researchers. It was also found that they set high standards for themselves and others. So if you sleep with a soldier and they snore, take some comfort from knowing that they're likely to be conscientious partners who treat you and the relationship with respect.

5. Freefall (7%)
These sleepers lie on their front with their head turned to the side and their hands round the pillow. The researchers found a link with a gregarious and even brash personality - at least outwardly.

Scratch the surface and you'll find someone who's nervy and thin-skinned, and who doesn't take well to criticism. Writer Janet Kinosian, author of The Well-Rested Woman (www.wellrestedwoman.com ), claims that Madonna sleeps in this position, and that it indicates "strong compulsive tendencies and stubbornness".

All of which points to someone who's charismatic, a bit of a handful and possibly the dominant partner in your relationship. Life with a freefall sleeper is unlikely to be boring.

6. Starfish (5%)
People who sleep on their backs with their arms up around the pillow were found to be unselfish and good at listening, though, as with soldier-sleepers, they were more likely to snore (well, nobody's perfect). Snoring aside, their supposed traits mark them out as excellent partners: attentive, intuitive and always ready to offer help when needed. If you sleep with a starfish, count your blessings and buy some earplugs.

* For advice and more information on your sleeping patterns, take the online sleep assessment at the Edinburgh Sleep Centre's wesbite: http://www.edinburghsleepcentre.com/sleep_disorders/online_questionnaire.html

http://uk.match.yahoo.net/edito/index.php?mtcmk=080405&name=5/118/3879-what-your-sleeping-style-says-about-your-relationship.html

Environmental Photographer of the Year:

Stunning photos of relationship between humans and nature

These are just a few of the entries for this year's Environmental Photographer of the Year Award. Amateurs and professional photographers have submitted their images depicting environmental and social issues which sees a wide range of subjects, from waste in Ghana to a beautiful starry night in Namibia. The thought-provoking and beautiful images will be displayed at the Royal Geographical Society from April 10. Exhibition photos were whittled down from 3,000 and the three prizewinners will be announced April 9.

'Hong Kong Hole' by Stuart Chape where Westernised skylines spring up like flowers (Stuart Chape)

'Nuclear Winter' by Zoltan Balogh by Lake Bokod, Hungary. Fishermen's houses are built on stilts above the surface of the water. Smoke rises the Oroszlány Power Plant in the background (Zoltan Balogh)

'Polluted Landscape' by Lu Guang in Holingol City, China. Due to the vast presence of coal mines, meadows are left devastated and no sheep or cattle can survive there. In order to preserve the image of the city, the local government installed 120 sculptures of sheep and cattle on the meadow (Lu Guang)

'Uyuni' by Javier Arcenillas is of the world's largest salt flat in Bolivia. Expanding for 4,086 sq miles, the stunning white desert contains 43% of the world's lithium reserves (Javier Arcenillas)

'Survivors' by GMB Akash in Bangladesh. The decreipt building houses eighty families of sweepers, the lowest in the caste system and regarded as 'untouchables' (GMB Akash)

'GPAction' by Steve Morgan, snapped 180km off the coast of Greenland. A group of international Greenpeace activists climb onto the oil rig with the hope of stopping the drilling in Baffin Bay which is a fragile home to vulnerable wildlife including polar bears and sea whales (Steve Morgan)

'Quiver Trees by Night' taken by Florian Breuer in Namibia shows the unusual trees silhouette against the bright Milky Way (Florian Breuer)

'E-Waste in Ghana' by Kai Löeffelbein. This striking image shows a man with an old computer on his head in the middle of a waste dump. Up to 50m tonnes of toxic electronic waste accumulate annually in the world and many are exported from developed countries to developing nations (Kai Löeffelbein)

'Farmer under the Sun' by Alamsyah Rauf in South Sulawesi, Indonesia. A farmer dries her rice under the hot sun, her head protected by a large hat and scarf (Alamsyah Rauf)