Pat Grabham - My Thoughts On Life And Eternity: (Written November 1982).


Pat Grabham
My thoughts on Life and Eternity.

I am the wind, the rain, the earth and the sky, the forests and the seas, all of these things I am, and more, much more.

I am black, I am white, I am yellow and brown, I am all creeds, all colours, all religions.

I am the way to all knowledge, all truth, to the past, present and future, to the heavens and beyond - to the sun, moon, stars - to Venus, Jupiter and Mars - all of these things I am and more, much more.

I am light after darkness, joy after sorrow, hope after despair, peace after pain, laughter after tears - I am sickness, I am health, I am birth, I am death, all these things I am and more.

I am hope, I am dreams, I am belief in all things - all flowers, all plants, all animals, all creatures - all living things, I am all of these things.

I am the beginning and the end, although there will never be an end - I am the source of all knowledge unbelievable, all memories gone by - all dreams yet to come, of new experiences, of new lives - of greater intelligence, greater love, greater compassion, greater happiness, greater joy and contentment, greater fulfillment, greater aspirations, greater sight and hearing, greater understanding - I am the way to all these things and more.

To the holy places, the holy shines, to the holy cities, the holy people, the Holy Spirit and more, much more.

To the east, the west, the north and the south, to the sun so hot, and to the cold wind, all of these things I am and more, much more.

I am the path to the scriptures, old and new, to old lands and new, to new thoughts and ideas, to progress and progression, to strength, courage, awareness, today, tomorrow, and always, in this world and the next through Eternity and beyond - much more beyond - things un-dreamt of, unforeseen, unaware, which exist, which will always exist, which have always existed, all of these things I am and more, much more.

I am Creation, evolution, all beginnings and all endings, of which there are many. Death is but a temporary stop, where we rest and see and hear - where we meet dear departed friends, loved ones, and renew all those who we knew before, in this world and the next, through Eternity and beyond.

It is where we see Christ, the disciples, the old prophets, and where we can choose as to where and in which direction our new lives will take - where we see all that we have done, all that we wished we had done, where we see the good, the bad in us all, where we have hope eternal and forever more - where we see much clearer the stars, the sun and the moon. the clouds and the sky, where we travel at speed or otherwise, where we go where we will - where we feel the need - where we feel most content, most fulfilled, most happy - where we find the most peace within ourselves - where we find the greatest love – love of all time, today, tomorrow, and always.

Where we can choose which world to stay in, past - present - future - where we can see clearly for a moment a glimpse of that life before it fades away to return at a later date in our being.

We can choose a new colour, a new nationality - a new chance, a fresh chance, a chance to change from man to woman, from woman to man - at the end of the day, we will be as one.

A chance to repair the damage, the harm done in previous existences - previous worlds - a chance to be forgiven and a chance to forget what we have or have not done - so that at the final reckoning - at the final self-realisation, we will feel we have not lived or died in vain - all these things are possible if you and only you so desire.

If not. you could stay where you land on the other side and remain unfulfilled, un-content, fearful and afraid, lacking in courage and strength, love and wisdom - all of these things can be yours - much more.

We can choose to give or take, to succeed or to fail, to live or to die, to be good or to be bad - to be strong or to be weak - to be generous or to be mean - to help and to heal - to ease pain - to ease suffering - to give hope and comfort - to give courage and strength, optimism and faith - new hopes and new dreams - love and fulfillment.

We can choose to stay or to go, to go back, or to go forward, to be rich or poor, or otherwise, to be willing to change, willing to improve, willing to learn - all of these things we can choose.

We can choose our surroundings, our friends, our quality of life, or many lives, we can choose to sow and in so doing to reap - or to do both or otherwise.

We can choose to be as we want to be, to be fair or to be dark, to be tall or otherwise, to have many interests or just one, to grow, to develop, to expand and to improve, to know who and what we really are, to give pain or to help pain, to do unto others that which we would wish for ourselves to be done to.

We will have many gifts and many talents, the opportunity to lead or to be led, to seek and to find or to remain at the point we are or will be - to be adventurous or otherwise, to be romantic or otherwise, to be daring - to just believe without proof, to know without proof - to travel or to stay - to be alone or not, all of these things we can choose, and more, much more.

To work hard and to study, to play and to rest, to stagnate and stop, or to progress and develop, to learn all of that which it is possible to learn - to use that knowledge with care and compassion, with love and joy - or to use that knowledge, that power, for self interest, and self-satisfaction.

We can be many things if we so wish, all of these things and more we can be.


We can choose to have dreams or otherwise, or just live for reality and no more - we can choose to help or to hinder - to be or not to be - we can choose to strive, to be as one, or many, or alone - part of a group, or a whole group - an individual, or alone - all of these things can be.

We can choose to be active in mind, in body, in spirit.

We can be content at the start of our new journey and in so being - cease to change - we can be content with that first step - that first life - content to remain in that secure place till the end of time and beyond - to be young, old, wise, all at the same time, to know all there is at that place and feel content to remain as we are there, not to have to work hard, to study, to learn many new things, many difficult and tiresome things, to learn self-awareness, to know and to like or to dislike things in ourselves we would rather not know, rather not delve too deep into.

We can choose to put ourselves in others' places - to go through things we have not been through - and in doing know all - as all things will thence be known.

We can look into the way of Creation, of how and why and for what - we can go back in time till before our first life - our first breath of life - and see how we are as we are - see how our soul is the way it is - and whether it would have been possible to have been any different - and to see in so doing, whether we are happy at the way we have gone on. 


We can look to see how we would have got on had we been born of another culture, another colour, another race, a different religion - we can find out all of these things and more, and in doing so we can know all that there is to know with regard to the meaning, the purpose, the plan of our lives, and to see whether the original dream, the original Plan that God had, was in the end worth everything, today, tomorrow, and always, in this world and the next, through Eternity and beyond, today, yesterday, and before time existed, before the thought was had to make a world, if indeed that was the way it was started.


 What was the reason for life to be given, for the sun, the moon, the stars, the earth and the sky, for Heaven - for the trees, the plants, animals and all living things - was there a special reason - or was this just a thought from God not to be alone in his Kingdom: Why was God alone in the first place and for what purpose - what would the world have been like as it was in the beginning - can we go back in history before we were created, before the world was created to see what kind of place the world was then - do we in the end all feel God made the right choice not to be alone - yes, we would not have wanted Him to be alone, however unworthy at the end of the day, we all prove to be.

Is there a world with only these things - with no human spirits - people, and if there was would not the world be although purer, less valuable and fulfilling - a world without man and woman would be a poorer world; without the hope of striving for new things from us all - for new areas, new fields we have never achieved, our ability to dream the impossible, to believe in the impossible - to know all things are possible, would not something have been lost at the final reckoning.

This I am sure is so - and will always be so, today, tomorrow and always, in this world and the next, through Eternity and beyond, yesterday, today and in the future.

Without dreams there can be no new hope, without hope no dreams, without these, no new avenues to travel - to journey through and in so doing attain fulfillment within the depths of our soul - so that only complete happiness, without regrets remain - safe in the knowledge - that all this – the beginning and not beginnings, were all destined to be - without end - without birth, without death - but to be as one - one world at peace with the Universe, with the meaning and Creation of the Universe, at peace and as one with God, with Jesus, with the Holy Spirit, and as one with all thing that are Holy - the Angels who watch over us all.

Amen and thank you.



How will I feel at the end of the day - did I do good - did I do bad - at the end of this life, will I look back with sorrow and regret or with joy and pleasure - what will I feel at the end of the day - has it been worth it - what will I say.

I don't want to look back with regret and with sorrow, I want to go forward with hope and with faith - where will I go, I know not where, will I follow my leaders anywhere. Do I go this way, do I go that, how do I know I want to do that. At the end of the day, I want to feel - this has been me - I will grow and grow.

So what do I do to achieve all my dreams - what do I do to live out my dreams - is there a way I have not thought of - a way inside my head.

From whence did I come from, whence do I go, one day I will know.

When I look at my Maker what will I feel - will I look down - will I be able to look at His Face, will I see such kindness and grace – yes, I feel, I will see all of these things, and things not yet known but which are yet to come: It is myself I am unsure, how will I react, what if I fail to pass the test - will he not take my hand and say - follow that path - that I pray - how can I know, I will find the strength to do as I wish to do as I want. Sometimes I feel all these are dreams - dreams and hopes - are all that remains at that point in time, when I see His Face.

When I arrive at those Wide White Gates – what will I see - I see the Angels on Christ's knee - so what else do I see at that point in time, I see many people with warm welcomes - who do I look for at that other end - who do I hope I'll find.

My family and friends and loved ones too - that will be enough at this point in time - do I want more, what do I want, now I am at those Wide Wide Gates: I wish to progress, I wish to grow, I wish to follow where others have gone, but I feel alas, I may not have strength - strength to change these parts of me - the aspects I am less happy with; will they always be with me even on the other side.

Will I work, will I play, will I rest and stay, these are the things I want to know, one day soon I will know it all, but that is the point where I won't be here - have I left it too late, my hopes and my dreams: Will they fade away and become but memories - I like to think, I need to think, that will not be so, I will grow and grow, and look back and think I am glad that person was me.


So what will I do, what will I think with the passing of one life before the next - can I choose not to return to earth's green pastures, can I go on through Eternity - I don't like to think of returning once more – of having to prove what I am for - what if I don't want to return - will my Maker say - stop here and don't go, you are not meant to go - your job is here, it will be easier than before - what help you can give - what joy you can offer - all of these things and more you will offer - at the end of the day you will look back and think - I have done well, I feel.
 We will go north and south, we will go east and west - to what lands will be travel - in Heaven's Rest: Is there a place where I long, of hot sun and romance - is there such a place that is part of me.

I have come to the end of this life I think, it's time to ponder on what I think - what did I learn - was it enough - to make me look at my Master's breast - is there more I could have done, I feel there would have been - but why do I feel so clean.

To what do I owe this new peace I feel - what can I do to repay it all - whom shall I follow at this point in time what will I feel, this soul of mine. It's time to move on that I know, time to love and watch it grow - so what do I choose - which way to go - will I choose wisely - I feel I know.

Whose hand will I hold at the end of the day – or will I be alone at the foot of the tree waiting for thee, what makes me think all this that I write - is right - is it just thoughts we all must have, before we can progress on ahead. If that is the case, who else can I learn from, these thoughts of mine.

We all learn from each other, each relevant thought, we all live and we take from each new thought: So how shall we know, we are correct - how shall we know it is fact: The end of the day seems far away, before we are aware of this fact - so we journey on through our thoughts and our dreams - always alone it seems, but a day will come when that is not so, I know.

How will I feel when I look at His Face, his eyes so kind and full of grace - will I feel I know you well, I know you from so long ago, why is it that I feel these things - am I a part of Heaven's Scheme - how will I know which road to take - how will I know, my soul will take, take so well to this new world - the world of tomorrow.

Are there places I don't know, cities yet to visit - I want to know - one day soon I am sure, I'll find all of these things will be more, and mine.

Why is it that I know you so well, will you hold out your hand to me - will I follow in your footsteps, I like to think I will. Will you smile and say, I knew you'd come, come with me, in this new Land.


Will I look back - who will be there - how can I leave them all behind - how can I leave those friends of mine - will they look and think I'll follow them too, to lands not yet thought of - to pastures new - to what will we strive for in that new land, what will we hope for our tomorrows.

Can I go on with my hopes and my dreams - am I a part of Life's Holy Schemes - to what do I owe, these thoughts of mine - of dreams unfulfilled but yet to come - or am I wrong, perhaps I am - why must it be so - these hopes and dreams - why must they always be with me.

But what of the others left far behind - we can't leave them behind - so what do we do - all of us there - how can we help them all down there - one must have hope - one must have dreams or where will we all go - to darkness and despair - down that downward slope, so what do we do at that point in time.

One day I will see His Holy Face, one day I will know, I will love His grace, how can He go and not take me - I want to follow - I want to go - down those paths I know so well - so what do I do with this soul of mine - can I make it shine.

So what do we think of days gone by - of dreams unfulfilled of hopes that died - how can we progress from this place - so we will see our Master's Face - where will I be at the foot of that tree - that has stood since time beginning for Eternity - will I look at their leaves and feel so content - will they look at me and smile and say - how happy we are to see you this day - we know you from before and afar, we know we will love you ever more. So what do you think, I ask myself, has Life passed the Test.

Can you now go on with hope with new belief in tomorrow, can you step back and follow our plan - but still give that helping hand.

So whom do I see at those Wide White Gates, whom will I see I know, I feel I know You'll both be there - there will be Three.

So what do I do with these thoughts of mine - what can I do for Thine. Will I go forward or will I go back - there is no looking back - but before I progress - I must know it all - the Meaning of Life and Eternity.


So what is beyond I ask myself - will I ever rest - will I not feel, I must strive for more, I don't know.

Who are those people in that Holy Place - do I know them from before - have I met You once before - was it in my dreams - I ask myself, or was it a Book I once read - so how will I feel when I see You all - what love can I give you all, will I be better or worse - will I have done more than I thought.

I can't seem to change this shell of mine - how can I be like Thine - so what do I do - what can I say, to render complete this soul of mine.

Was I told so long ago - at my first breath - my first life - did You say - this is the meaning of life - how it is and how it will always be - or is it just the legacy - that he whom we love - left for us - was it worth it I ask of you - was it worth it for Him - how can we begin to know the pain and suffering, the joy and despair, the hope and pleasure - how can we help You in that Tomorrow.

How will we feel - who will we see - when we get to Life Journey's End - it is but a beginning - another world - after Paradise and Eternity - so what will that world be like I ask - it will be as blessed as we all are.

Why is it that I know you so well - what happened long ago - will I meet Him I'm meant to see - will I meet him in Eternity. So what do I do - what do I say - to these thoughts of mine - its time to go forward with no more regrets - time to progress to I know not what - will I be glad at the end of the day - I was in Life's Scheme of things.

So who will I see at those Wide White Gates - who will I see when I'm there - I will see all my friends and loves ones too - I will see you in Eternity - my Father will be there, I know He will, He will have understood - to what do I aim to what do I strive, with these thoughts of mine.


Do I go forward - do I go back - there is no looking back - from whence did I come - from whence do I go - I don't know - but I know, I know it all, I was there that time so long ago - so I go forward with hope and a prayer - I follow my Maker there.

Somehow I feel these dreams that I have are meant to be - they are me - so how can I change this person I am - how can I be like them - how can I be as they once were - how can I be as they are now - why can't I be what I'm not - so I go one step at a time - striving for Eternity - but what must I do before I'm there - how will I know He's there.

I look and I say - please keep me safe - safe in Thy Holy Grace.

So I feel and I know, I'll know You so well - when I look at your Holy Face - how can I leave You standing there - how can I not be where You are - I feel so silly it is true - so why must I always think of Thee. One day I hope that I will find - he that will forever be mine - would I have chosen him too, I ask you, and know, yes, you would, through Eternity.

So I go on with hope and dreams - one step at a time - can I - I wonder, I pray, how can I be all I want to be - how can I be my destiny. It is time to go - time to stop - to give my soul a rest - but it won't stop - it seems to say - you are where you were meant to be - so why is it, I ask myself, as I look at His Heavenly Breast - what do I see at that point in time - those well loved Angels will always be thine.

One day will I stop and say - I am at last where I wanted to be, near that dear presence I know so well - with all those friends I love - but how can I give a little bit back - once I have arrived at that heavenly spot - so do we rest or do we play - what do we do this day - we need to feel time is not at an end - we need to know we were Heaven sent - so who do we help - what do we do - in that Paradise with You.

Do we repay all the help that was given to us - do we repay all that we have lost - it is time to go forward - to pastures new - new worlds to conquer anew - will we be wiser in that next new place - perhaps we have to begin again - but what a thought I tell myself, even as I look at his holy breast. Do I say - can I stay where I am this day - what courage and strength have I learnt at that day - I hope I won't be afraid as I am, as I feel I have always been - but I fear I won't leave that heavenly place - how can I, I ask, leave his grace - so what do I do, I'd like to know.

Are these all dreams before I was me - does that mean I wonder - I was another - in another time, another place, if so, I hope I saw His Face - I heard his Voice, I saw Him smile: Did I help him at that point in time when he needed help from yet but one of his friends - I like to think that this was so but I don't know, but how could one not be that such person - to look at him and to turn away - would not be my way.


  So, it's time to go forward and not look back - forward with new hope and a prayer - to what do I strive - this soul of mine - that which is thine. I come, I know, I know not where, but I do care, I care very much that I will be with all of you in Eternity.

Who was that person who gave you away, who was he that day - we ask, we know, we read, but how sad for him to know it was he, so long ago, but what if it was me, that person then, how awful it would be, how could I ever get over that, there would be no turning back - but he shouldn't feel bad at this moment in time for it was destiny - but it seems so unfair we all say - why was that - why should it have to be.

I could not say with honesty, I wish you had not done that - that is not as it sounds - we know, for where would we all have gone as we left this land, somehow we know, things would have been different - if you had not chosen to take that road - I dread to think how it would be, if you had made a different choice, but that's not true, you would still be standing at Heaven's Wide White Gate - but where I ask, would I then be, somehow I don't think it would be as nice as it will be with you, in Eternity.

You came back to Earth so long ago, we know, we believe, we know all this. How lovely for them in those far off days, to know the joy of your destiny - to hope and to dream of so many things - things we have perhaps yet to learn. Where are they now, your loved ones then, perhaps they were Heaven sent. Was there something we don't know, something they had - what spark of love, we do not have, I'd like to know and love.

Why couldn't we be, as they were then, part of History - to have seen and to know and to listen with joy, to your words of long ago. To watch and to think, how lovely he was, that man of long ago.

What would I have done if I had been there then, I like to think, I would have known you well, and loved you so, that man of long ago. I feel I know you so well, from the book you left behind - so we thank all your friends, we thank you too, for being so kind, so we can have hope and faith and dreams unlimited- the sky's the limit and more. How could we have gone on through this life -without those things to cherish, to comfort, to give fresh hope,, to know there was a dream to share, a dream of Eternity, when you will be there.

So I go on with hope and a prayer, to what I don't know, or where I'll go. I hope it will be good this place I'll be, I hope it will be in that heavenly place, where the birds all sing and there's joy galore, and more.

Sometimes I feel in deep despair, sometimes I feel no hope. Sometimes I seem to be forever going down that long dark slope - but there seems to be, at that point in time, fresh hope I feel of thee and thine.

So I go on with my hopes and my dreams - I go on and on - something makes me feel this way - this is the way its meant to be, but why can't I be like them over there - why can't I be, as her over there, why do I have to be as I am, why can't I be like them. I don't seem to change, I don't seem to be, anyone other than me.



How would I be, if I was born another time, what would I be like with a different face - would I be as I am today, I think I would be different from today - so how strange it is - how it seems to be the luck of the draw, where we are born. Would I choose to be where I am, to look and to think as I am, somehow I don't like to think, I was, somehow other than me.

What do they do, so high up there - do they reach the sky. But of course they do, and more I know, they even can fly I know. But would we not miss, the steps we could take, there amongst Heaven's lovely places - to climb a mountain - to walk over that hill - to run and to walk down that road over there - to sit under that tree so green, so pretty; it would be nice to do all of these things, but what more would we do - we would talk and laugh and learn and study - so many things, of times long ago, of times still to come, of dreams we don't know, but are yet to come. To hear such words, I feel there are, over that hill where we all will go. They are so compelling those words we hear - there is so much kindness, love, wisdom and strength, so much to learn, so much to remember - how lovely to hear of so many things - the scheme of things.

I feel so tired, my load is so heavy, why is it that I feel this weary. What have I had to carry. So, what must He have felt that time of long ago, despair of forsaken dreams, of being so lost - but he had enough strength, to know he was right, and he was, wasn't he.
So I go on, with hope and a prayer - a prayer for myself - my soul - my dreams to come true - with hope and with love for all humankind - I wish it so well. Sometimes I wonder, what if I'm wrong but I am not that strong - to give up that dream - that which was he - he and Eternity.

Why can't I be, as strong as others, to go through life without help of any kind, why do I ask for so much help - why can't I go on alone - what do I lack, what courage, what strength, why can't I be, as we were meant.

I am weak, I am timid, I lack some strength, but I know my faith will carry me through - will I feel guilty at the end of the day, with all that I asked of thee. It's just that I feel, I always have felt, that if one has faith, if you believe enough, help will be given sooner or later - but sometimes it seems much later, So is it fair for those of them - who don't believe in them. Perhaps I would feel if I was them, annoyed and hurt to find, they had more help - their faith was enough, so why was life easier for them.


So I go on with fresh hope and a prayer - for that day yet to come I know when I will look back on my life here on earth, and know, I didn't waste that life - I left something behind - for someone to find. What will that be - what will they find - what if there's nothing I've left behind, what will I think at this Life's End - I'll look back with sadness, pain and sorrow, it will not be the same tomorrow. Why wasn't I stronger here on earth, why couldn't I have achieved those dreams of mine.
When I look at some people here on earth - did I know them at Earth's Birth - where are they now Adam and Eve, where else but Eternity.

I seem to have come to the end of my thoughts, so I'll rest a while and see what will be - new thoughts to unfold - new dreams to behold - what is it to be, I wonder.

So take care my friends, from up there, make sure you take that right path - I hope I'll know which one to take, I hope I won't make a mistake.

When I arrive at the end of this life of mine, here on earth, I say, I hope I won't be alone, I hope I won't feel lost, but surely I'll feel, all is not lost, it's just a new world beginning, the world of my dreams, my hopes and aspirations, the fulfillment of all dreams - it is but a beginning of many such things, all of which are a part of all things.

All knowledge will be there at that point in time, when I meet my Maker and know at last, the Meaning of Creation, of it all, past and present, worlds yet to come, all will be there at that point in time, and more, so much more, I haven't yet thought of but one day, I feel I will.

God bless you all.


November 1982.

(This was my first piece of writing, written two weeks after my belief in reincarnation in November 1982).

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Comment by Pat Grabham on November 7, 2012 at 11:11am

Hi Valery

Thank you for your comments.  I had only been two weeks into my trance meditation class where deep spiritual philosophy was spoken, when I wrote this.

30 years later, I can still remember writing this.  The funny thing is when I wrote this, being my first ever writing, I heard it as a narrative... subsequently when I have written since then, the words which come to me, have a different aspect, like an echo of words spoken.  At the time I wrote this, I was spending some time living with my sister temporarily, and I would recite to her the words I was hearing over many days! (I almost did not post as it is very long) - hence lots of pictures to separate the paragraphs help.

Also, just having been aware then in this life of reincarnation, it was somewhat of a shock to my system and raised many questions!

For years all my writings had dashes.... it is only in recent years that I now do commas instead.


Comment by Pat Grabham on November 7, 2012 at 10:36am

Hi Julian

Thank you.  The picture and words are great.



Comment by Valery Jianu on November 7, 2012 at 4:24am

Hi  Pat

Great complexity of feelings and ideas,depth and sensitivity  and last but not least - poetry,this is the feeling that remains at the end of reading.

I'm allowed to "rewrite" a fragment of your wonderful text to emphasize that we are in front of a poetic prose with great inner  musicality :

"Sometimes I feel in deep despair,

sometimes I feel no hope.

Sometimes I seem to be forever

going down that long dark slope -

but there seems to be,

at that point in time,

fresh hope I feel of thee and thine."


Thankyou for sharing with us.



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