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Q:  It is very painful when someone we love has serious difficulties, such as mental illness, post-traumatic

stress disorder, or addiction. Sometimes it feels like their problems are so big that we can’t really help

them and so we may want to retreat from them and their problems.

At other times, we try to help, and then get consumed by the other person’s struggles.

What can we do to help in these difficult situations without getting overwhelmed?

Thich Nhat Hanh:

  When you feel overwhelmed, you’re trying too hard. That kind of energy does not help the other person

                        and it does not help you. You should not be too eager to help right away.

There are two things: to be and to do. Don’t think too much about to do—to be is first. To be peace.

          To be joy. To be happiness. And then to do joy, to do happiness—on the basis of being.

    So first you have to focus on the practice of being. Being fresh. Being peaceful. Being attentive.

                      Being generous. Being compassionate. This is the basic practice.

       It’s like if the other person is sitting at the foot of a tree. The tree does not do anything,

      but the tree is fresh and alive. When you are like that tree, sending out waves of freshness,

                              you help to calm down the suffering in the other person.

      Your presence should be pleasant, it should be calm, and you should be there for him or her.

                     That is a lot already. When children like to come and sit close to you,

        it’s not because you have a lot of cookies to give, but because sitting close to you is nice,

             it’s refreshing. So sit next to the person who is suffering and try your best to be

                                           your best—pleasant, attentive, fresh.

 Q:   If I’m feeling a very difficult emotion, maybe anger, or deep sadness, and I try to focus on my breath,

                                     isn’t that a way of avoiding my emotions?

  Thich Nhat Hanh:

              Usually people lose themselves in a strong emotion and become overwhelmed.

   That is not the way to handle emotion, because when that happens you are a victim of emotion.

In order not to become a victim, breathe and retain your calm, and you will experience the insight that an

                                     emotion is only an emotion, nothing more.

                   This insight is very important, because then you are no longer afraid.

         You are calm, you are not trying to run away, and you can deal better with emotion.

   Your breath is you, and you need alliance with your breath to be more of yourself, to be stronger.

              Then you can handle your emotion better. You do not try to forget your emotion;

             instead you try to be more of yourself, so that you are solid enough to deal with it.

                             It was heartwarming to see so many children at the retreat.

          I feel comfortable with children. I have never been cut off from the younger generation.

    Whether they are monastic or lay, communication is always “on” with the younger generation.

                                     That is one of the elements of my happiness.

                                       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~   o  O  o   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taken from: Shambhala Sun -

Teachings and Interviews of

Thich Nhat Hanh    ~