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In the past I thought that if I had more material possessions in my life I would be happier and more relaxed, subsequently achieving a greater quality of life. I now realise that this is not the case. At this time, I was struggling financially and could spare the money to buy a great car, house or the best in clothes. I never did achieve those goals and I put them off as big goals for the future, which I would one day fulfil. However, this were on my mind constantly and I was always unfulfilled and trying to chase after things that I could never have. I realised that a lot of people were in the same boat as me.


When I was in the company of people who were better of than me, I felt envious of their lifestyle and often wished that I was them. I felt inferior to them and I did not feel on the same level as them and I just thought they were different to people like you and me.


All of the negative thoughts that I had really inhibited me and stopped me from achieving my true potential in life and I felt like I was going nowhere. It was almost as if I had subconsciously given up on being happy after all the toxic thoughts swirled round my mind.


When you are in a subconscious state you are different to when you are conscious. You are not congruent when you are subconscious and not really your true self. You are someone different and you certainly do not feel whole or well-rounded. The negative thoughts that we pick up from our surroundings like at work or from our family really limit us and stop us becoming who we are capable of being. They try to make people like robots, saying that we should all live in the same way, even if that does not suit certain people.


Referring back to my belief that the more toys a person has the more they are worth, I realised that it was a belief that was safeguarding me from failure. I backed away from failure as I was scared of it and I only wanted to feel positive emotions of content and satisfaction. However, underneath all that I felt like a failure and had very low self-esteem and felt like I wasn't worth anything.


By utilising a new self-development tool, I eradicated this toxic belief from my system. Now I do not rate the quality of my life or another person based on their level of wealth. It is immaterial. Instead of being blinded with materialistic things, I see who I truly am - a personality haunted by traumatic events of the past but with the potential to feel really happy. I know that I will get to where I want to be eventually.


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