It is very important to understand that romantic relationships and relationships in general are very different when looked at from the soul's perspective. To begin with, I would like to define some of the common terms that are used in metaphysical circles such as twin flames, monadic mates, and soul mates. There is great confusion about what these terms really mean.

Twin Flames

A twin flame relationship, Djwhal Khul has told me, is one where you get involved with a soul extension from your own soul. Remember what I said about how each monad creates twelve souls, and each soul then creates twelve soul extensions who incarnate in the material universe. Each of you has twelve soul extensions from your soul, of which you are one. A twin flame relationship is where you have a romantic involvement with one of these soul extensions in your soul group.
The interesting thing that Djwhal Khul told me is that this does not happen very often. As a matter of fact, He said that it is a very rare occurrence. The soul does not usually like this to happen very much because the relationship tends to be so powerful an attraction that people tend to get too lost in each other. It does happen occasionally, however not as often as most people fantasize it does. To be perfectly honest, when Djwhal Khul told me this I was surprised. I thought it was much more common to have a relationship with someone in one's soul group of twelve. According to the information I have received it is not that common, but does happen on very rare occasions.

Monadic Mates

Monadic mates are a more common occurrence. A monadic mate is when you get involved with another one of your 144 soul extensions from your monad. Remember that if your monad creates twelve souls, and each soul then creates twelve soul extensions or personalities who incarnate into the material world, then the total number of all your soul extensions from your twelve souls is 144.
I explained elsewhere in my writings how I was told by Djwhal Khul in a dream that my wife, Terri, and I were from the same monad. We are not from the same soul, but from the same monadic group. We were also told that we were the only two soul extensions from our monad who were on the earth at this time.
This is an important point for you to realize in understanding these principles. Just because you have 144 soul extensions, it doesn't mean that they are all incarnated on planet earth. There are millions of other planets in our galaxy or other galaxies upon which they could be incarnated. We must enlarge our perspective here.
It is also important to understand that when one passes the third initiation, the soul begins to call back its soul extensions to the spiritual world and focuses on the more spiritually advanced or active soul extensions.
Terri and I were told that three quarters of our soul extensions were already back in the spiritual world. This does not mean that they are evolved, but rather they are probably not the more advanced ones in a spiritual sense. If three quarters were not in incarnation that left approximately 36 still in incarnation, and many of them where on the Pleiades and other planets unknown to me. So meeting a monadic mate is definitely much more common than meeting a twin flame.
It is also very important to realize that you might meet a twin flame or monadic soul extension and they may be a totally different age, same sex, different country, different skin color, different language, different religion, no religion, not attracted to each other physically, fight like cats and dogs on a personality level and so on.. It just means you are going to have a powerful connection. The connection is a spiritual one, not necessarily on a psychological, or philosophical or physical level.
What I am saying is that I would not worry about trying to find your twin flame or monadic mate. If it happens it happens, but it is not something you really look for. What you look for is the right person, and the occult information about this person will take care of itself. Too many people are caught up in trying to find their twin flames and may be missing the opportunity that is there right in front of you.

Soul Mates

A soul mate relationship is one where two people who have a soul connection, have a relationship. This may have to do with many past lives that you have had together, and it may not. What matters most is that you are both soul connected.
I would like to add here that it is possible to have a soul mate connection with someone you are not even involved with romantically, and I am sure most of you do. I personally have a soul mate type of connection with my sister and even my mother.
It is very important to have these types of friendships, especially if you are not involved with someone romantically. Many people have very deep soul mate types of connections with their cats or dogs which are very beautiful. The pets serve as a type of pole or balance. If you are not in a relationship I might recommend that you get a pet for this purpose. The pet can serve also as a catalyst or intermediate step in the process of manifesting a relationship.

Relationships

The fourth category might be a relationship with someone who you are not connected with on a soul level, yet share many beautiful things. If you are in this type of relationship and you are being guided to stay in it, even though it is not a soul mate type of relationship, this is absolutely fine. It will be important, however, to have other soul mate friendships. It goes without saying that if you choose to be married to this person then the soul mate friendships would not involve a sexual component.

The Two Most Important Relationships in Your Life

The most important relationship in your life is not your relationship to your partner. The two most important relationships in your life are your relationship to your Self and God. The most important relationship in your life is your relationship to your Self. If you are not right with your Self, you will project your wrong relationship to Self onto everything in your life, including God. The second most important is your relationship to God. In reality your Self and God are the same thing, however before you can fully truly realize this you must get right with Self first.
A relationship partner is third on the list. If this isn't clear you are headed for some suffering or karma. The danger here is trying to find your wholeness in another person, rather than finding your wholeness within your Self and God first. If you don't do this, your relationship turns into a type of addictive love.

The Abrahamic Initiation

The Abrahamic initiation is an initiation every person on this planet has to go through if they are going to evolve this lifetime. The Abrahamic initiation has to do with the old testament story of Abraham (El Morya), who wanted desperately to have a son. He and his wife were something like 80 or 90 years old when God blessed Abraham and his wife with a son whose name was Isaac.
Abraham, on the birth of his son, started spending all his time with Isaac and began to forget about God. This went on for a very long time and finally in a quiet moment God spoke to Abraham in a forceful voice and told him that he would have to kill his son, Isaac. Abraham said "What, my only son?" God said, "You heard my commandment, follow it"
Abraham was in total conflict for three days. Finally after three days he decided that God came before his son. He took Isaac to the alter on the mountain, and got out his sword, and was about to swing a death blow to his son, when an angel came and grabbed his arm and said, " You don't have to do that, Abraham."
What is the spiritual meaning of this story? What is it that you need to put on God's alter? What is it that you put before God and your spiritual path? Some of the possibilities are: a child, a relationship, drugs, alcohol, sugar, cigarettes, food, sex, power, fame, money, material things, security, and so on. Didn't the ten commandments say to have no idol worshipping, and to have no false gods. Whatever you put first in life is the God you worship.
To be able to pass the fourth initiation one must renunciate all that is not of the soul's and spirit's purpose. This could also be described as the complete letting go of all attachments and addictions. Are you worshipping any false gods? If you wish to accelerate your spiritual growth then place them on God's alter. Many of these things and relationships will still be in our lives, but will be in their proper perspective. The spiritual path is living in this world but not of this world. This can also be described as "involved detachment".

The Soul's Perspective on Self Love

If you don't love your self it is not possible to have a healthy love relationship with another person. The ideal is for you to love your inner child, and for you also to allow yourself to feel and receive God's love. If these aren't established first, then you are going to seek your love, worth, approval, and acceptance from another person instead.

The Soul's Perspective on Happiness in Relationships

Happiness is a state of mind, not a state of a romantic relationship. Happiness should be understood as something you have all the time regardless of what your partner is doing. Do not put the responsibility for your happiness on your partner. This is your own responsibility.
This lesson has a lot to do with whether you have preferences towards what your partner does. If you have preferences you are happy either way. This way your partner can't control your happiness and inner peace level.

The Soul's Perspective on Love

For the soul there is only one kind of love and that is unconditional love. From the soul's perspective it is never acceptable to attack your partner. Never forget your partner is, in reality, God visiting you in physical form, as you are also. To attack your partner, or any person for that matter, is to attack God, and hence attack yourself. Most definitely be honest and communicate and share your feelings, but share them in a loving and respectful way. Your partner deserves respect even if their behavior does not merit it.

The Soul's Perspective on Communication

The soul's perspective on communication can be summed up by a quote from the well known marriage, family, and child counselor, Virginia Satir. She said, "Communication is to a relationship what breathing is to living." You must communicate with your partner about what is going on with you, or the relationship can't possibly work.

The Soul's Perspective on Gay and Lesbian Relationships

From the soul's perspective there is absolutely no judgment in the slightest. It is not a sin as some traditional religious teachings would tell you. There is no one pat answer why homosexuals feel this way, and in truth it does not matter. All that matters is that they are following the motto of "Above all else, to thine own self be true." It is perfectly acceptable and normal in God's eyes for those that choose this path. To those that have a problem with this I would say to carefully meditate on Jesus' statement, "Judge not, that ye be not judged!!!"

The Soul's Perspective on Abortion

Since I seem to be taking controversial subjects, I will go right to the core on this most controversial subject. From the soul's perspective having an abortion is not a sin. The reason being that the soul and the physical body are two completely different things. When a woman has an abortion they are not killing a soul, they are killing a physical body. That same soul can come back a year later to the same woman when the time is right or more appropriate. The fundamentalist religions have confused this point, thinking the body and the soul are one and the same thing. They are not.
I do need to say, however, that abortion is not an acceptable form of birth control. If people practiced birth control more responsibly, then the need for abortions would be much less. Also if people were much more responsible in how they used their sexual energies, and saw them as the sacred form of communication that they are, then people would not indulge the carnal lower self as much as they often do.

The Soul's Perspective on Sexuality

From the soul's perspective, sexuality is beautiful and divine. It must be understood that it can be used in service of the ego, and your lower self, or it can be used in service of the soul and God.
Your ego uses it to treat other people like a piece of beef, not recognizing the soul inside the body. The ego uses it for selfishness, and only for self gratification. The soul would have you use sexuality as a means of communicating love and intimacy on the physical level. It would have you use it for mutual pleasuring, not just self pleasuring. The soul would also have you use your sexuality in moderation, recognizing it is just one form of energy that relates to your second chakra. This same energy can be raised for you by your other chakras, for love, creativity, communication, spiritual insight, and God realization.
The soul would have you experiment with tantric sexuality, which is the art of lovemaking, while simultaneously raising the energy at times in a kind of love making meditation. The soul would have you not let the carnal, lustful, lower self, run your life in this regard, but rather be the master of your sexuality, in service of love and soul melding.

The Soul's Perspective on the Ideal Relationship

The ideal relationship is one where both individuals are right with self and right with God. Both people are whole and complete within themselves. They are both causes of their own reality and not victims and effects. Both individuals put their spiritual paths first.
The reason that you are together is that you can grow faster, and share more love and joy, in sharing the path together. That can be of great service to God's divine plan and service to humanity in coming into a union together.

The Soul's Perspective on Your Partner Being Your Teacher

Never forget that your partner is your master teacher in everything they do, even when they are misbehaving. They are giving you the opportunity to practice Christ consciousness, and to demonstrate soul qualities your soul would have you develop. You are constantly being taught to stay in your power, to be loving, to forgive, to practice humility, turn the other cheek, to remain the cause of your own emotions, patience, emotional protection, honesty, communication skills, non-attachment, egolessness, unconditional love, looking at things as lessons, staying centered and on and on and on.
Never forget, that is how you respond every moment of your life in all situations, that you realize God, or lose your realization of God in any given moment. Anybody can remain spiritual and of the Christ conscious-ness, living in a cave. Can you remain in the Christ consciousness in a relationship, in a big city, in the market place, as Jesus would say?

The Soul's Perspective on Divorce

It is essential you understand that divorce is not a sin. Sometimes divorce is the best thing in the world to do. It depends on the situation. Many, many times my services as a spiritual psychologist were utilized to help people break up, although they didn't realize this when they came in. I will say, however, that you should never leave a relationship until you have learned the lessons of the relationship. Otherwise you are likely to repeat these same lessons again in a new relationship. It will be a different physical body, and different soul extension and personality, however the same psycho-dynamics will occur.

The Soul and Balancing the Four Bodies in a Relationship

It is essential within the four body system, physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual, to be aware of what your predominate body identification is, and what your partner's is also. By understanding this a lot of potential problems can be worked out by keeping things in this perspective. It is critically important not to become self righteous about your particular body identification modality.
The common psycho-dynamic here is that the woman tends to identify with her emotional body and the man with his mental body. Having a spiritual body identification also will temper this. However the man must learn to accept the woman's feelings and emotions and the woman must learn to accept the man's thinking modality. A relationship is a great teaching device for teaching us to become more whole.

The Soul's Perspective on Judgment and Protection in a Romantic Relationship

It is essential that both partners learn to be as non-judgmental as possible. It is okay to make loving observations, but no judgments or put downs! When our partner does judge us we need to learn to keep our bubble of protection up and let their negativity slide off our bubble like water off a duck's back. We need to learn to have a thicker skin and to not be hypersensitive.
We need to learn to not let our partner be (or think that our partner is) the cause of our reality. We need to learn to cause our own feelings and emotions and not let our partner be the cause of our feelings and emotions, for in truth they are not. We create our own reality.
We need to be the computer programmer of our own subconscious mind and not our partner. Even though we are married or in a committed romantic relationship, it does not mean that our partner should cause our reality. Remember that our relationship to Self and relationship to God comes first.
The Soul's Perspective of Father-Daughter / Mother-Son Relationships
When a person doesn't do their inner work and achieve this right relationship to Self and right relationship to God, what happens is that they form father-daughter, mother-son relationships. The ideal is to form a mutually independent, or an adult-adult relationship, not a mutually dependent relationship.
If we do not first find our wholeness within Self and oneness with God, then we will end up seeking to find it within our partner. This will lead to two halves coming together, instead of two whole people coming together. There is no judgment in this, it is just a lesson we must all learn.
If you are a daughter or son, psychologically, then by the laws of energy, the only type of relationship you will attract is a father or mother. If you are a father or mother type, psychologically, the only type of person you can possibly attract are a son or daughter psychologically.
If you are whole and complete within Self and one with God, then you will attract a whole and complete person who realizes their oneness with God. Many people are desperately seeking a relationship. The problem is that a relationship is the last thing they need. What they really need is a better relationship with Self and a relationship with God.

You Don't Need a Relationship

It is imperative that you understand that you don't need a relationship in your life to be successful and happy and to realize God. The proper attitude is to make it a want, not a need. Another way of saying this is to make it a super strong preference, not an attachment. If this remains a super strong preference, then if it doesn't happen you will still be happy.
If your happiness is in finding a relationship, and not in your Self and God, then you are worshipping a false god. Whatever you put first in life is that which you worship. Does not the bible say to not have false gods, and to not worship idols.
It is okay to seek to find a relationship, and even pray for God's help in finding one, however, if it doesn't happen, "be happy". The paradox of life is that when you truly let go and accept your full happiness, whether you find a relationship or not, then that is when you usually find one.
The absolute key to finding your true mate, in my opinion, is to focus yourself completely into your spiritual path and service of humanity. Your total commitment to God and your spiritual path will attract your ideal spiritual mate to you.

Honesty, Trust, Commitment

It is of the highest importance to maintain honesty at all times in your relationship. Part of being honest is also being honest with ourselves. A relationship is like a garden with beautiful flowers, which also has weeds that grow. If the weeds aren't constantly picked and cleared, then they can overrun the garden and destroy the flowers.
A lack of honesty can lead to a breakdown in trust and communication. Lack of honesty is a breech of your commitment to your partner. True commitment is not just being monogamous, but also committed to dealing with things that come up.
It is also committed to communicating your feelings about the things that are bothering you instead of pulling away and withdrawing, and pulling out of the relationship, or judging. A true commitment is being honest about what is going on with you. You owe this to your partner, your Self and your God.
The Soul's Perspective on Ego Battles
In all relationships at times our egos or lower selves get triggered and ego battles and arguments develop. The soul's perspective on this (and this may surprise you) is to not talk. When you are caught in your egos in a severe way, all that is going to happen is that you are going to kill each other emotionally. You will say things you don't really mean in a vain attempt to hurt and get back at the other person.
The negative ego's game is not love, but rather who is "right". I ask you now, do you want to be right, or do you want love? You can't have both. If you want love, then you must get out of your ego. When you are both caught, sometimes the best thing to do is take time alone to calm down and get re-centered, get right with Self, and right with God. Then start communicating again.
One of the things my wife and I do that has been extraordinarily helpful is to hold hands and look into each other's eyes, and bring in our soul and monad before we start communicating.
Just imagine a large tube that extends upward from the top of your head into the spiritual world. Just imagine calling down your soul or monad, or if you like, a particular saint or Ascended Master into the top of your head. If you prefer, you can ask that They come down into your third eye or even heart chakra. Once you feel this connection within your self, then connect with your partner from this state of consciousness, which is obviously completely antithetical to the lower self and negative ego.
This simple technique has been the single most important tool my wife and I have used to stabilize our relationship into a soul and monadic pattern.

The Soul on Learning Lessons

One of the key lessons in relationship is to learn to be more focused on your own lessons and not the lessons your partner needs to learn. Many, many people are so concerned about all the lessons their partner isn't learning, they are actually missing their own. I think my favorite saying of Jesus in the entire bible on this point is, "Don't try to take the speck out of the eye of your brother, when you have a log in your own eye." You are not responsible for your partner's lessons. This is between their self and God. Be more concerned about learning your own lessons.

The Soul on Psychological Disease
When your partner is physically sick you obviously do not want to catch this disease. You do everything you can to build up your resistance. You take vitamin C, you get enough sleep, exercise, get sunshine, keep a positive mental attitude, and hopefully you don't catch it. There is no such thing as a contagious disease. There are only people with low resistance.
The same lesson applies to relationships on the psychological level. When your partner has a psychological disease such as judgmentalness, anger, depression, worry, lack of self worth, insecurity, lack of faith, self doubt... the ideal is for you not to catch the disease, psychologically. The ideal is for you to have a strong "psychological resistance".

How do you maintain a strong psychological resistance? This is achieved by staying in your personal power, self love, protective bubble, preference, attitude, meditation, prayer, spiritual reading, practicing the presence of God, chanting the name of God, journal writing, physical fitness, good diet, staying right with Self and right with God. By maintaining this psychological resistance their negative energy does not hook into your subconscious programming and slides off your bubble like water off a duck's back. You then, are setting a better example and hence helping them to come out of their off-centeredness.
If you don't do this, then you catch your spouses disease psychologically and then you are both sick. The world is like a hospital that is run by the patients. The purpose of life is to be a doctor, healer, and teacher of God so you can set a better example. Most people in the world are victims, so you might as well victimize them to the positive.

The Soul on Differing Perspectives

No two people ever see things the same way all the time. Remember, you don't just see with your eyes, you see with your mind. You see through your belief systems, since it is your thoughts that create your reality. When you and your partner have a disagreement on perception of a given situation, the ideal is to not let that create separation or distance. The ideal is to hence, agree to disagree, and stay in love and oneness.
Just because you disagree on how you view a particular event, why should that have to create any distance? It won't, as long as you don't let the ego in. Sai Baba's definition of God is that "God equals man minus ego." What a wonderful testing ground relationships are for helping us to get out of ego!!!

The Soul on One's Relationships to One's Parents

It is of the highest importance to work out and resolve your relationship to your parents, psychologically. If you don't you will project this wrong relationship out on to your partner. This resolution has to do with reclaiming your power, and finding your love from Self and God, and forgiving and unconditionally loving them, and not blaming or judging them for how they raised you. They provided you with the exact lessons that you needed to learn. Never forget that you, as a soul, chose your parents because they provided the perfect lessons you needed to learn.

The Soul and the Differing Elevator Phenomena
There is a phenomena in relationships that occurs which I call the 'differing elevator phenomena". This has to do when one person grows at a much faster rate spiritually and psychologically than the other person. This can be okay up to a point. If the differing of the elevators becomes too great, there is a danger of having a whole and a half relationship.
This needs to be discussed and communicated to see if this can be resolved. Most often in relationships one person is developed in one area, and the other in opposite areas which is good. As long as there is some kind of balance in relationships that feels right this can work out fine. If this schism becomes too great, however, this can be a sign that this relationship may not be meant to be, and is holding you back.

The Spiritual Relationship Contract

Sometimes when a lot of water has gone under the bridge in a relationship, it can be very helpful to write a "spiritual relationship contract" with your partner for the renewal and rebirth of your relationship. This can be done with the help of a trained counselor or friend or by yourselves.
The idea here is to make a list on paper of the lessons you each are working on individually and collectively in your relationship to deepen your love and romantic bond. List the principles, tools and ideas you are committed to working upon. The act of writing this down has a much greater effect on the subconscious minds and conscious minds, for that matter, of both individuals.
Upon completing this contract, both sign it and perform some kind of spiritual ritual, like maybe burning a copy or placing it on an alter. Be creative. I would also suggest then going on a second honeymoon and re-establishing the romance. It is essential then that both people live up to the commitments they have made in the contract to the best of their abilities.

By
Dr. Joshua David Stone